Dear Journal,
Another school day today. I woke up early, trying to pick out what to wear. I decided on a new outfit that I got last Friday night with my girl-friend, not my girlfriend. Who, no matter what she thinks, is just my friend. No matter how hard I try, that’s all she’ll ever be. Anyway, I got ready for school and went to go pick up Ryan. He hopped in the car and gave me a look up and down. I knew what that look meant, I’d seen it before.
"Really Mike? Why do you have to get so dressed up just for school? You can’t always win a girl over with just your clothes."
I didn’t say anything, I just laughed nervously. I wasn’t trying to win a girl over with my clothes. I was trying to get through another school day. Why should he care if I wanted to look nice?
The school day was going by as usual, teachers, work, boredom. Then, it was time to break for lunch. Our lunch table is made up of pretty much all of my best friends, and the guys who I always hang out with. Of course the usual topics come up. Our only two topics, in fact: sports and girls.
"Mike, why don’t you get with Amanda? She’s cute, she’s an athlete, and you know she likes you. Why wouldn’t you wanna go for her?"
I stare at the table and trying to seem careless, shrug my shoulders. "I dunno. She’s just not for me I guess." Unsatisfied with my answer, the lunch table conversation continued.
I sat there thinking to myself, a thought that always comes to mind no matter how much I push it back. I want to tell them, I do, but I want them to stay my friends even more. I want to be normal, but being normal isn’t pretending to be somebody you’re not. I want them to be able to stick by me and understand. I’m still Mike, I’m still the same person, I’m still their friend. Will they be able to understand this?
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