From the perspective of a girl with anorexia

Dear Diary,

I’m absolutely dreading school tomorrow. Today was awful, I just don’t want to go back, ever. I don’t like being home much really either. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I woke up really early. I didn’t get much sleep last night, again. I got dressed and wore sweat pants and a sweatshirt. Nothing looks good on me anymore. I wish I could look decent in normal clothes. I’m too gross to look good in anything. I went downstairs and started packing my bag, getting ready to walk out the door. My mom’s so annoying, she keeps telling me that I should start eating breakfast. I always tell her I’m not hungry early in the mornings, and that I don’t want to eat. That’s not lying, I don’t want to eat... at all.

I got to school and went through my morning. Class was pretty boring as usual. I like being with my friends a lot. They’re all so pretty. All of them are skinny and look perfect in whatever they’re wearing. I wish I could look like that. Whenever I’m with them I always feel like everyone’s comparing us, and seeing how much better and skinnier they look than me. Lunch time came soon enough. I didn’t want to eat, especially after seeing how pretty and skinny my friends looked today. I just sat there miserably while everyone else ate and laughed. I told them that I didn’t like the school lunch, and that I’d just eat when I got home.

I got home and did my homework. My mom didn’t feel like cooking, she ordered a pizza instead. What used to be a heavenly smell now disgusted me. I hated how good it looked, and hated myself even more for wanting it. I should want to be skinny more than I wanted pizza. I told my parents I didn’t feel good, and went upstairs. I decided to go to bed early, I’ve been so tired lately, I don’t have any energy from food. Getting ready for bed I stared at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted. I’m absolutely huge. Huge and unhappy. No matter what I do or how much I try, I can’t seem to look the way I want. If I keep trying I hope that one day I’ll look better, I don’t care what it takes to get there, no matter how much pizza I have to pass up. I just want to look good one day, I just want to be happy.