Dear Journal,
Another school day today. I woke up early, trying to pick out what to wear. I decided on a new outfit that I got last Friday night with my girl-friend, not my girlfriend. Who, no matter what she thinks, is just my friend. No matter how hard I try, that’s all she’ll ever be. Anyway, I got ready for school and went to go pick up Ryan. He hopped in the car and gave me a look up and down. I knew what that look meant, I’d seen it before.
"Really Mike? Why do you have to get so dressed up just for school? You can’t always win a girl over with just your clothes."
I didn’t say anything, I just laughed nervously. I wasn’t trying to win a girl over with my clothes. I was trying to get through another school day. Why should he care if I wanted to look nice?
The school day was going by as usual, teachers, work, boredom. Then, it was time to break for lunch. Our lunch table is made up of pretty much all of my best friends, and the guys who I always hang out with. Of course the usual topics come up. Our only two topics, in fact: sports and girls.
"Mike, why don’t you get with Amanda? She’s cute, she’s an athlete, and you know she likes you. Why wouldn’t you wanna go for her?"
I stare at the table and trying to seem careless, shrug my shoulders. "I dunno. She’s just not for me I guess." Unsatisfied with my answer, the lunch table conversation continued.
I sat there thinking to myself, a thought that always comes to mind no matter how much I push it back. I want to tell them, I do, but I want them to stay my friends even more. I want to be normal, but being normal isn’t pretending to be somebody you’re not. I want them to be able to stick by me and understand. I’m still Mike, I’m still the same person, I’m still their friend. Will they be able to understand this?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
From the perspective of a girl with anorexia
Dear Diary,
I’m absolutely dreading school tomorrow. Today was awful, I just don’t want to go back, ever. I don’t like being home much really either. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I woke up really early. I didn’t get much sleep last night, again. I got dressed and wore sweat pants and a sweatshirt. Nothing looks good on me anymore. I wish I could look decent in normal clothes. I’m too gross to look good in anything. I went downstairs and started packing my bag, getting ready to walk out the door. My mom’s so annoying, she keeps telling me that I should start eating breakfast. I always tell her I’m not hungry early in the mornings, and that I don’t want to eat. That’s not lying, I don’t want to eat... at all.
I got to school and went through my morning. Class was pretty boring as usual. I like being with my friends a lot. They’re all so pretty. All of them are skinny and look perfect in whatever they’re wearing. I wish I could look like that. Whenever I’m with them I always feel like everyone’s comparing us, and seeing how much better and skinnier they look than me. Lunch time came soon enough. I didn’t want to eat, especially after seeing how pretty and skinny my friends looked today. I just sat there miserably while everyone else ate and laughed. I told them that I didn’t like the school lunch, and that I’d just eat when I got home.
I got home and did my homework. My mom didn’t feel like cooking, she ordered a pizza instead. What used to be a heavenly smell now disgusted me. I hated how good it looked, and hated myself even more for wanting it. I should want to be skinny more than I wanted pizza. I told my parents I didn’t feel good, and went upstairs. I decided to go to bed early, I’ve been so tired lately, I don’t have any energy from food. Getting ready for bed I stared at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted. I’m absolutely huge. Huge and unhappy. No matter what I do or how much I try, I can’t seem to look the way I want. If I keep trying I hope that one day I’ll look better, I don’t care what it takes to get there, no matter how much pizza I have to pass up. I just want to look good one day, I just want to be happy.
I’m absolutely dreading school tomorrow. Today was awful, I just don’t want to go back, ever. I don’t like being home much really either. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I woke up really early. I didn’t get much sleep last night, again. I got dressed and wore sweat pants and a sweatshirt. Nothing looks good on me anymore. I wish I could look decent in normal clothes. I’m too gross to look good in anything. I went downstairs and started packing my bag, getting ready to walk out the door. My mom’s so annoying, she keeps telling me that I should start eating breakfast. I always tell her I’m not hungry early in the mornings, and that I don’t want to eat. That’s not lying, I don’t want to eat... at all.
I got to school and went through my morning. Class was pretty boring as usual. I like being with my friends a lot. They’re all so pretty. All of them are skinny and look perfect in whatever they’re wearing. I wish I could look like that. Whenever I’m with them I always feel like everyone’s comparing us, and seeing how much better and skinnier they look than me. Lunch time came soon enough. I didn’t want to eat, especially after seeing how pretty and skinny my friends looked today. I just sat there miserably while everyone else ate and laughed. I told them that I didn’t like the school lunch, and that I’d just eat when I got home.
I got home and did my homework. My mom didn’t feel like cooking, she ordered a pizza instead. What used to be a heavenly smell now disgusted me. I hated how good it looked, and hated myself even more for wanting it. I should want to be skinny more than I wanted pizza. I told my parents I didn’t feel good, and went upstairs. I decided to go to bed early, I’ve been so tired lately, I don’t have any energy from food. Getting ready for bed I stared at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted. I’m absolutely huge. Huge and unhappy. No matter what I do or how much I try, I can’t seem to look the way I want. If I keep trying I hope that one day I’ll look better, I don’t care what it takes to get there, no matter how much pizza I have to pass up. I just want to look good one day, I just want to be happy.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
From the perspective of the worst kid on a sports team
Dear Journal,
One word to sum up my day yet again, embarrassing. This morning I had to wear my jersey to school, for that huge stupid pep-really this afternoon. You can bet that got a lot of great comments from my classmates. It sure doesn’t help that I’m number 0. Ironic right? Yeah, well the whole morning I had to deal with those stupid comments, "Oh, hey I didn’t know you were on the team" and "Don’t you need to play to have a jersey?". Real great comebacks. I hate that I’m a joke to my entire class. All the other guys on the team got their lockers decorated, I did, too, but a bunch of people said I shouldn’t have, only people who play should. Well, whatever, I know I don’t play much, I guess everyone else does, too.
The pep-rally was awful. The ENTIRE school was there, and everyone on the team had to make a lay up. I’ve been working SO hard on my left-handed lay ups. Every practice I try really hard at them, and I have improved, I just wish everyone else noticed. Well, I of course missed my lay up.. In front of the entire school. I was the only one who missed. I even got boo’d. It was awful. Even everyone on the team was laughing.
Did I mention that we had a game today, too? Homecoming game, and we were playing really hard team. We were up by a few, when I was spaced out on the bench, as usual. I was in shock when coach called me over to go in. I was so happy, but really nervous, I didn’t want to mess up... and of course I did. When I walked in the game the crowd cheered for me, but not in a way that made me feel good, it was sarcastic, I could just tell. Well, the game started up again and I actually got the ball. Me, actually getting the ball, and then as you can guess, I actually got the ball stolen from me. Some of the guys encouraged me, they’re my teammates, and they knew I didn’t mean to do it, but I still felt dumb. I got taken out of the game the next play.
I used to love basketball. I don’t know what happened. I work my ass off every practice, and I get a little bit better, but I’m still not good enough. I’m not good enough to get in the games anyway. I want to get better. I want to be able to be on everyone else’s level. I’m sick of being the laughing stock of our team and our school.
One word to sum up my day yet again, embarrassing. This morning I had to wear my jersey to school, for that huge stupid pep-really this afternoon. You can bet that got a lot of great comments from my classmates. It sure doesn’t help that I’m number 0. Ironic right? Yeah, well the whole morning I had to deal with those stupid comments, "Oh, hey I didn’t know you were on the team" and "Don’t you need to play to have a jersey?". Real great comebacks. I hate that I’m a joke to my entire class. All the other guys on the team got their lockers decorated, I did, too, but a bunch of people said I shouldn’t have, only people who play should. Well, whatever, I know I don’t play much, I guess everyone else does, too.
The pep-rally was awful. The ENTIRE school was there, and everyone on the team had to make a lay up. I’ve been working SO hard on my left-handed lay ups. Every practice I try really hard at them, and I have improved, I just wish everyone else noticed. Well, I of course missed my lay up.. In front of the entire school. I was the only one who missed. I even got boo’d. It was awful. Even everyone on the team was laughing.
Did I mention that we had a game today, too? Homecoming game, and we were playing really hard team. We were up by a few, when I was spaced out on the bench, as usual. I was in shock when coach called me over to go in. I was so happy, but really nervous, I didn’t want to mess up... and of course I did. When I walked in the game the crowd cheered for me, but not in a way that made me feel good, it was sarcastic, I could just tell. Well, the game started up again and I actually got the ball. Me, actually getting the ball, and then as you can guess, I actually got the ball stolen from me. Some of the guys encouraged me, they’re my teammates, and they knew I didn’t mean to do it, but I still felt dumb. I got taken out of the game the next play.
I used to love basketball. I don’t know what happened. I work my ass off every practice, and I get a little bit better, but I’m still not good enough. I’m not good enough to get in the games anyway. I want to get better. I want to be able to be on everyone else’s level. I’m sick of being the laughing stock of our team and our school.
Notes- Perespective of someone with mental retardation
Notes on the perspective of someone with mental retardation:
- not having a lot of friends
- not being able to do what everyone else is doing
- being made fun of
- not being treated like a real/regular person
- not being able to express yourself well
- feeling different
- being excluded
- comparing yourself to others
- working hard at things people take for granted
Sunday, October 26, 2008
#5 Letter asking permission to marry husband
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Someone,
First of all, I would just like to say that it has been a pleasure getting to know you these past few years. I remember when your son first introduced us, I was incredibly nervous. However, time went on and we got to know each other more and more. I have appreciated and loved getting to know you both and have grown to love spending time with all of us together. I’m so happy that we have gotten the chance to form a good relationship, and that your son and I have also had a great relationship, as well.
What I am about to tell you, is something that I really hope you both will be happy about, because I know that we are extremely happy. Your son and I are so happy together and with how things have been going, we would like to get married. We were both extremely nervous about telling you, just because it is something so hugely import. So, we thought of the idea of writing it all out. You both have been so supportive of us the whole time we have been together. I sincerely hope that you continue this.
Your son and I are really in love and we think that it is time that we go ahead and get married. We have been together for a while now. We never stopped being there for each other, and have always taken care of each other through everything. We have been through ups and downs and everything in between, and came out of everything stronger. We really love each other and care about one another. I know that you have seen us during our whole relationship and seen how we truly feel about each other. I know that you see how happy we are together, and how happy we make each other. I also know that seeing how happy we are, makes you happy, too.
I really hope that this is exciting news for you because I can barely express how happy I am about everything. Everything is really coming together, and we would both love for you to be a huge part in everything that we hope is to come.
Love your future daughter in law,
Hannah
First of all, I would just like to say that it has been a pleasure getting to know you these past few years. I remember when your son first introduced us, I was incredibly nervous. However, time went on and we got to know each other more and more. I have appreciated and loved getting to know you both and have grown to love spending time with all of us together. I’m so happy that we have gotten the chance to form a good relationship, and that your son and I have also had a great relationship, as well.
What I am about to tell you, is something that I really hope you both will be happy about, because I know that we are extremely happy. Your son and I are so happy together and with how things have been going, we would like to get married. We were both extremely nervous about telling you, just because it is something so hugely import. So, we thought of the idea of writing it all out. You both have been so supportive of us the whole time we have been together. I sincerely hope that you continue this.
Your son and I are really in love and we think that it is time that we go ahead and get married. We have been together for a while now. We never stopped being there for each other, and have always taken care of each other through everything. We have been through ups and downs and everything in between, and came out of everything stronger. We really love each other and care about one another. I know that you have seen us during our whole relationship and seen how we truly feel about each other. I know that you see how happy we are together, and how happy we make each other. I also know that seeing how happy we are, makes you happy, too.
I really hope that this is exciting news for you because I can barely express how happy I am about everything. Everything is really coming together, and we would both love for you to be a huge part in everything that we hope is to come.
Love your future daughter in law,
Hannah
#4 Letter from a body part
Dear Hannah,
You’ve had to know that this was coming. I’ve been hurting for a while. Your right knee has too, he’s just not quite as banged up as I am, hence why I’m the angry one voicing my opinion. Just take the time to look at me, right now. Yeah, that wasn‘t pretty. Imagine if that was your face, then you’d realize what I have to deal with all the time. I’m all swollen and bruised and cut up and gross. All thanks to you.
I have come to accept the fact that you play sports, and that you, well let’s just say, are not the most graceful athlete to ever play a sport. Also, you certainly have no fear of the floor. I’ve put up with this for our whole entire life, but if you want to keep me well and working, you’ve got to be at least a little more careful. Take right now for instance, it’s volleyball season. PLEASE remember to wear you kneepads. Almost all last week you forgot them at practice and we both got pretty bruised and cut up. I know you like to play hard, but could you at least TRY to land a little more lightly? Lately I’ve been getting complaints from your hips and hands about falling, too. But really, the kneepad thing, you have to remember to wear them, and to keep pulling them up during games because that little superman dive during the Lowell Catholic game, well things haven’t been too pretty after that.
I’m also absolutely dreading basketball season. That’s always the worst. It’s no use asking you not to dive for a ball or hit the floor because I know you will anyway. However, just after I get banged up, please take care of me. Aside from your right knee, ice is my absolute best friend. Softball doesn’t really bother me too much, but stop acting like you know how to slide. Running full speed at the ground and then falling next to the base does not mean you can slide, Hannah. Learn how, and stop thinking you’re doing it right because that scar from last spring proves you wrong.
I’m not anticipating much of a change in you playing sports, or me hitting the ground hard. Just please at least make the effort to take care of me after I get hurt. I can’t take much more of weeks of being bruised and bloody. Just make sure to stock up on ice and band aids and I guess we can call it even.
Sincerely,
Your Left Knee
You’ve had to know that this was coming. I’ve been hurting for a while. Your right knee has too, he’s just not quite as banged up as I am, hence why I’m the angry one voicing my opinion. Just take the time to look at me, right now. Yeah, that wasn‘t pretty. Imagine if that was your face, then you’d realize what I have to deal with all the time. I’m all swollen and bruised and cut up and gross. All thanks to you.
I have come to accept the fact that you play sports, and that you, well let’s just say, are not the most graceful athlete to ever play a sport. Also, you certainly have no fear of the floor. I’ve put up with this for our whole entire life, but if you want to keep me well and working, you’ve got to be at least a little more careful. Take right now for instance, it’s volleyball season. PLEASE remember to wear you kneepads. Almost all last week you forgot them at practice and we both got pretty bruised and cut up. I know you like to play hard, but could you at least TRY to land a little more lightly? Lately I’ve been getting complaints from your hips and hands about falling, too. But really, the kneepad thing, you have to remember to wear them, and to keep pulling them up during games because that little superman dive during the Lowell Catholic game, well things haven’t been too pretty after that.
I’m also absolutely dreading basketball season. That’s always the worst. It’s no use asking you not to dive for a ball or hit the floor because I know you will anyway. However, just after I get banged up, please take care of me. Aside from your right knee, ice is my absolute best friend. Softball doesn’t really bother me too much, but stop acting like you know how to slide. Running full speed at the ground and then falling next to the base does not mean you can slide, Hannah. Learn how, and stop thinking you’re doing it right because that scar from last spring proves you wrong.
I’m not anticipating much of a change in you playing sports, or me hitting the ground hard. Just please at least make the effort to take care of me after I get hurt. I can’t take much more of weeks of being bruised and bloody. Just make sure to stock up on ice and band aids and I guess we can call it even.
Sincerely,
Your Left Knee
#3 Thank you letter to coach
Dear Mr. Kmack,
This volleyball season has really been a great one so far. I am very happy to say that it is not over yet. One more regular season game versus Pope John and a chance to get revenge. I know we are all planning on winning that game. Pretty soon we will be off to states and we are all planning on going far. We have done well all season for the most part. This whole season so far has been really great. We have a great group of girls and we have grown together to become a really strong team and we all really genuinely care about this season, and more importantly, each other.
I think that I can speak for the whole team when I say that we really could not have accomplished all that we have this season if it was not for you. Everyone has grown and improved immensely. From the beginning of the season until now it is amazing to look at the progress we have made. From our passing, to serve reception, hitting, to serving, the improvements are all great. Along with helping us gain the skills we have needed to improve and do so well this season, you have also helped us become a better team. You have showed us how to work together and to communicate so that we can win and even lose together.
We all love you being our coach, and honestly do appreciate everything you do for us, even if we do not show it all of the time. We are hard to put up with some of the time, well, pretty much all of the time. We keep you on the edge of your seat during games and frustrate you at practice. Once in a great while we argue with you, sing a little too loudly in the van, and even poke fun at you. Thank goodness you do not have to deal with that everyday or anything.
Mr. Kmack I really am thankful for all that you do for me, and for the team. You really are one of the best coaches that I have ever had. You joke with us and put up with us. You teach us, coach us, believe in us, motivate us, and never give up on us. You have done a lot for me as a volleyball player, an athlete, and as a person. I want to thank you for being a great coach, Mr. Kmack. I know that myself and the whole team cannot tell you how thankful and appreciative of you we really are.
Thank you,
Hannah
This volleyball season has really been a great one so far. I am very happy to say that it is not over yet. One more regular season game versus Pope John and a chance to get revenge. I know we are all planning on winning that game. Pretty soon we will be off to states and we are all planning on going far. We have done well all season for the most part. This whole season so far has been really great. We have a great group of girls and we have grown together to become a really strong team and we all really genuinely care about this season, and more importantly, each other.
I think that I can speak for the whole team when I say that we really could not have accomplished all that we have this season if it was not for you. Everyone has grown and improved immensely. From the beginning of the season until now it is amazing to look at the progress we have made. From our passing, to serve reception, hitting, to serving, the improvements are all great. Along with helping us gain the skills we have needed to improve and do so well this season, you have also helped us become a better team. You have showed us how to work together and to communicate so that we can win and even lose together.
We all love you being our coach, and honestly do appreciate everything you do for us, even if we do not show it all of the time. We are hard to put up with some of the time, well, pretty much all of the time. We keep you on the edge of your seat during games and frustrate you at practice. Once in a great while we argue with you, sing a little too loudly in the van, and even poke fun at you. Thank goodness you do not have to deal with that everyday or anything.
Mr. Kmack I really am thankful for all that you do for me, and for the team. You really are one of the best coaches that I have ever had. You joke with us and put up with us. You teach us, coach us, believe in us, motivate us, and never give up on us. You have done a lot for me as a volleyball player, an athlete, and as a person. I want to thank you for being a great coach, Mr. Kmack. I know that myself and the whole team cannot tell you how thankful and appreciative of you we really are.
Thank you,
Hannah
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