It is safe to say that Laura Kipnis stands by the title of her essay, “Against Love”. All of her points in this writing adamantly put down what being in love is all about. “Against Love” generalizes and stereotypes what all relationships seem to be today. Laura Kipnis expressed that what modern love really means now is controlling others and the control they have over us. It is acknowledged that love is a part of our lives and we all search for it and need it, but it is also claimed in this article that what it means to be in love, and in a relationship today is simply about “maximizing submission and minimizing freedom”, and how well partners cater to and obey each other. The view of love here is not really love, it is mainly an arrangement of what two people do for each other.
The article claims that love takes work especially when passion runs out. This seems like a logical statement considering that relationships can be hard and need effort from both partners. However, this article also implies that mostly what happens in this day in age is that when that passion runs out, a desire to work at the relationship also runs out, resulting in its end. The article supports its claims from historical standpoints explaining that , “Passion meant suffering: the happy ending didn’t yet exist in the cultural imagination” (Kipnis 757). While every relationship reaches challenging places, it is hardly fair to say that most of them end badly, especially due to a lack of passion. If the love in a relationship is truly there, it many not be a pretty process of growth to view, but working at the relationship can eventually pay off. Many couples are willing to put in this work instead of taking the easy way out to end the relationship.
Another major theme in this article is about being open. This is true, the lines of communication must be there in a mature way and one of the main points of a relationship is being able to share your true self with another. However, the article also claims that part of being open is to be able to state your needs from your partner, and expect them to be met, while the other member of the relationship does the same. Relationships mean wanting to please the other member of the relationship, and it is great to have someone who cares enough about you to do the same. Although, this article makes a relationship out to be more of a business arrangement about giving a little to get what we want from someone else on a constant basis. A relationship is give and take. Giving yourself to someone else, and getting their love and care in return. When a person in a relationship does something for someone else, it is not for personal benefit, or to appease the other person. An act of kindness is done out of love for the other person, and loving them does not mean doing something to get what you want, it is done because it makes the other person happy. People who truly love each other do not commit to each other for money or what they get out of the relationship. It is true that love should be gained from the relationship, but a real relationship is not based off of what one person wants out of it. It is based off caring about someone else and how they make you feel and better you as a person.
The article “Against Love” by Laura Kipnis strips down love to a business arrangement of give and take that ends when times get hard. What is failed to be recognized in this article is that love can always be worked at, improved upon, and made better, and there are many strong couples that are proof of this. What also is not mentioned in the article that while part of a relationship is giving and taking, that is not the most important part. The most important part is bringing yourself to care about someone that you want to give them your best before they even ask for it, and that all you really want in return is to see them happy.