Although Dimmesdale feels he cannot be open with his sin, he also finds it a very large burden to keep within himself. He stated that numerous times he went up in the pulpit with the intention of proclaiming his sin to the town, however the best he could do was to tell about his sinful ways in a general sense. However, this backfired on Dimmesdale, and the people thought that if he was sinning, look at how awful they were living. Dimmesdale hated this because he was building himself up in a lie, while actually expressing the truth. He hated that even though he tried to express his sins as much as possible, he found himself being falsely portrayed as even more holy, when he knew that he should be seen as the complete opposite. In "The Crucible," John Proctor also found himself in this situation of doing what he felt the right thing, which meant being falsely portrayed as a saint, which he also felt was sinning in itself. Dimmesdale also feels unworthy of the title the town continues to give him.
"For with the new energy of the moment, all the dread of public exposure, that had so long been the anguish of his life, had returned upon him; and he was already trembling at the conjunction in which- with a strange joy, nevertheless- he now found himself"(139).
Dimmesdale feels that he simply cannot reveal his sin. He finds it to be a matter between himself and God. He feels that this is a harder way to bear a sin, instead of publicly accepting it like Hester. He has to keep his sin and guilt all to himself, while Hester is able to share it with everyone. It seems that this quote helps prove his point. It seems that the energy felt when he connected with Hester and Pearl, made him feel alive. He was recognizing his sin outwardly and he felt better. However, once he realized he could not really outwardly recognize his sin, he felt his burden grow even heavier again.
- Is Pearl really a Devil-Child?
- Does Dimmesdale really believe Chillingworth knows nothing of his sin?
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